So, I'm generally a very honest person and like being me me when online. I know people often say you never know who reads your blog, it's easier if you keep it all professional and just show the good stuff. Well, it all makes sense to a lot of people but not really to me. I prefer being honest and just who I really am. I am human after all and we all go through good and bad days. Right? Anyway, I've been thinking a lot and it's been bugging me quite a bit of late. I just needed to put it out and write it all down.
As we are slowly approaching our wedding (About 18 weeks!) I find myself starting to panic a little - definitely more than I like. People have been asking me of late how's all the wedding planning going. It's really nice and makes me all fuzzy inside but truth be told. I don't know! Hah.
Darren and I got engaged in June last year and started off super excited, planning bits and pieces. I think all brides ( and most grooms ) do that too hey? That initial excitement, that buzz! But then one by one, our plans all fell through. Venues didn't work out, rude staff, renovations. And then we found one, fell in love with it but long story short, the place didn't have a permit and wasn't sure if they could hold our wedding... it all resulted in ugly fights and emails just so we could have our deposit back. The nightmare of having to find a new location and then being utterly blessed within 24 hours, when it all came full circle and we got led back to the start. Our first dream venue. ( Not going to go into details but it was ah-mazing how it all worked out! )
Anyway, now that we've got the venue sorted and our wonderful photographer booked, Darren's suit bought, my dress sort of on it's way but not yet but we're sure it'll all be lovely at the end... flowers sorted, invites getting there ( Only after a friend reminded us hello it's about time we send them out ). Now that we're kind of close to the actual day itself, I am starting to freak out a little and I don't know if it's usually like this.
I find myself wondering about a lot of things. Little bits such as the decorations, table setting, what sort of glasses, etc. ( I know?! ) We have no clue yet as to how we want everything to look. We've been too chilled out we're starting to panic now that it's getting closer. Holy Moley. I find myself thinking of bigger things such as losing that very stubborn double chin and muffin-top. Growing up I've always been known and called FAT. These 3 letters. So simple yet so powerful. I see all my friends, one by one, getting married, looking super hot on their wedding day. I look at the draft version of my wedding dress. It's beautiful. But it's not like the usual wedding dresses. It's NO WHERE near the dresses I've always envisioned wearing on my wedding day. ( Yup, I'm your typical little girl, growing up dreaming and drawing wedding dresses. Hah )
As such, I freak out even more. Don't get me wrong, I love my dress. Just the other day, I put on the muslin version and wore it around the house, alone for an entire hour. It just felt right. It felt like me. I felt like me. But then two weeks ago, I went into a stunning bridal shop to purchase my veil and just looking at the brides to be in there, trying on their dresses, being surrounded by their family. My jaw just dropped and I felt like I was no where near that. I didn't get that same experience shopping for my dress. Not at all. I was constantly led to the plus size corner. "We can definitely custom a size for you." "Don't worry if it doesn't close, the real one will be made to fit." Sigh. You see where I'm coming from? I don't know. I really don't. I just know at the end of the day, after I receive and try on my real wedding dress, it will all be right. I know all my fats will be tucked in nicely but not too tight - So I can actually eat and breathe. Sure, it not going to be the most flattering dress out there but I know it will be very comfortable and I will feel like I'm still me in it. But till then, I'm just freaking out a little, being way too sentimental and I guess that's all normal right? ( Especially when you don't have family physically around to assure you. )
Decorations. I actually haven't even looked at Pinterest. Surprised?! I remember my wise colleague told me shortly after I got engaged. "There are so many weddings out there that looked like Pinterest had puked all over it!" I cannot agree more and decided early on, I wasn't going to go anywhere near it. But then, instagram. Oh my, so many beautiful wedding things. I start freaking out at night thinking what we should do to the barn we're having dinner in. Should we dress up the aisle. Should we have food on the table or on a set table outside so people interact while lining up for food. What sort of hairstyle since my hair seems to take forever to grow. Where we should do makeup and the day's logistics. Blah blah blah. Seriously Dawn!
Well, in all honesty, I am truly hoping we could fast forward to the week of the wedding. I imagine booking ourselves in for a massage and just nice things like a last fiance and fiancee dinner date, getting my nails painted, just chilling out and then having the biggest party of our lives. Hmm, that sounds nice!
I don't quite know how I am going to deal with the rest of the next 3 1/2 months but I am hoping with all my might that I embrace it with such chilled-out grace, just like Audrey Hepburn. Haha. In short, all I guess I'm saying is. I am stressed. Yes - I am nervous. ( Are you kidding? Duh! ) Deep down I am going "OHHHH MY GODDDD!" But I am guessing it is all normal whether or not you're a bridezilla or not.
I know it will all fall into place. Rain or shine, good or bad. At the very end of the day, whether or not we decide to have sparkly buntings or watercoloured ones. Who cares really. Heck it! - We're going to get married and embark on a lifetime full of ups and downs TOGETHER. And that's what matters! Having our friends and family there to witness it all, that's 10,000 times better than every other little nitty gritty logistical thingy!
Now Darren, let's go do this thing! xx