Hello everyone, hope you are well : ) Spring is practically here and I am so excited! (Minus the hay fever part. Haha) I finished this custom house painting a couple of weeks back and just thought I'd share it here with you today. This house was really fun to paint. All the greenery! Made me think of Spring so much. Hope you like it!
I was at a friend's last evening and this song came on. Such a beautiful song with such a wonderful message. I was moved to tears the first time I watched it so just wanted to share with all of you here. I have been thinking of the lyrics so much especially these days, when it's just 4 more weeks to the wedding. I have been asked by so many people about everything wedding beauty related. My makeup, hair, skin, teeth if I'm going to get them whitened, if I was going to get a spray tan, how's my diet and of course, the cut of the dress. I understand the good intentions of everyone and I am really so thankful people care and want to ask. Makes me smile and so touched to have such supportive friends. But last night when I watched this video again, I got reminded of what Beauty really is.
Darren loves me for who I am. Our favourite part of the day is when we both get to change into our daggy fleece pyjamas, have uncombed hair. I sometimes even tuck my shirt in and wear my trackies SUPER high waisted. Haha, So glamorous hey. But Darren loves this side of me. So seriously, I don't need to worry about anything. Weight loss has been a big thing for me. Growing up, I was always in the overweight/Trim-and-fit club. Endless jokes about my weight, my big crazy lion hair (I have really thick and bushy hair), my non-typical figure, it never ever ends... ... and it always hurts.
Most people who listen to the song would probably just feel awww and think about something else. But for me, it really hits hard and means so much. Just cannot stop thinking and tearing up. As we are now 4 weeks away to our new big adventure together, I am going to remind myself constantly that all these makeup and things, they are all superficial. Important to an extent but really, not the main point of it all.
I am still going to exercise and eat healthily, I am still going to book myself in for facials, a pedicure and a hair colour but not because it's what every bride to be does. I'm going to do it because I have been working so hard on all my freelance work, I deserve some pampering and feel-good sessions. I'm going to do it not for the wedding, but for me. And I am not even going to try and lose any weight. I am going to just exercise and be healthy, for me - So important when you are a woman hoping to become a mum.
To all brides to be, friends struggling with self-image... I encourage you to embark on this self-loving discovery journey with me. The people around you, love you for your ability to love, your giving heart and your little special characteristics. They love you for you so time to put down all those insecurities and just be yourself. We're all in this together <3
6 Years ago on this very day, Darren and I decided to start dating and we have not looked back since! We often joke about this picture as it's our very first picture together as a couple. Look at us! We were so shy back then. Haha. The Chinese often have this saying 'Behind every successful man, is a woman.' - Very true indeed! This is definitely one of our favourite pictures together to date. We looked so young back in the days. Well, we have since grown so much together, both age wise and side-ways. Darren's put on a total 9kgs and I think me too somehow, maybe. I'm too scared to weigh myself! Just thought I'd take some time today to look through and share some old photos taken over the years. Each one on this same date.
Our First Year - We celebrated at Melba at The Langham. I remembered Darren saving up for a long time just to bring me here. I was still a student, he just found a new job. Lots of money and it was a big deal. Funny enough, I decided to surprise him by going nuts over the fresh naan bread. Seriously, he takes me out to fancy pants restaurant buffet and all I want to eat is just cheap, plain naan. Haha. I remember being stuffed to the brim with naan and him with some oysters ( They took it away too soon! ) and had a crazy tummy ache at home after. How glamorous! We still laugh over it to date.
Our Second Year - I cannot remember what we did, where we went but I think this was the year we decided to go low-key and just celebrate at home with a simple meal. I did however, find this picture of us at Falls Creek. We both love the snow so much and I think we did take ourselves to the snow to celebrate! We went with our friend Grace and it was so much fun!
Our Third Year -This one, another cracker one. Masterchef was all the rage back then and I was OBSESSED. Absolutely obsessed and addicted to the show. So we decided to splurge or rather Darren did (Hah!) on a degustation dinner at The Press Club. Fancy fancy dinner and the food was oh so good. However, me being me, commented how one of the chicken things tasted like KFC's Popcorn chicken. And the entire night just revolved around laughing and cheapening up fancy food with our fast food equivalents. Yup, we are that classy! Again, I stuffed myself so much (So expensive had to finish every single bit!) and pretty much exploded myself. I died and suffered from a food comma in the carpark. Too funny. Another year we often laugh about!
Our Fourth Year - Ah, the year we chose to wrong place to celebrate. Dark, crowded, waited forever for a table, food that was just alright. We ordered the wrong dishes and spent the night really wanting what others ordered... Lighting made it so hard to take a nice photo too but ah well. We get what we get and the main thing is about us being together and just celebrating that right? Haha. Still a good one nevertheless!
Our Fifth Year - This year was extra sweet. Our first ever as an engaged couple! I remember wearing my engagement party dress that night. Was meant to save it for the engagement but I was too excited and Darren really liked it too. We ate at the beautiful Guy Grossi's Merchant Restaurant after recommendations by my students (Nephew of Mr Grossi himself! ) Every bit of food we had was perfecto. We finished off with a giant slice of Tiramisu which was so gooood. It was really nice to be serenaded by live musicians as well. They came right up to us and played the violin and accordion. Pretty sweet! We took the night nice and slow, strolling around the hotel after before heading home. Nice and so relaxed.
So yes, tonight we're heading out as per tradition and this time round, we've made a booking at the highly recommended Estelle! A bunch of our friends gifted us a dining voucher last year as an engagement present and we've been saving it for the perfect date. So tonight will be just right. Darren's extra excited this year as it's our very last one as ... boyfriend girlfriend. HAHA (I Know, that term makes me cringe a little. But oh so true!) Next year we'll be Mr and Mrs. Not long more to go!! I think 40 days?! We are so excited!
To celebrate this special once in a lifetime, monumental last-anniversary-before-we-get-married day, I decided to gift Darren (and myself too!) a special Leila Sanderson rosette. It's blue so it'll remind us daily that we are each other's #1 prize/best in show! Haha. I know - so cheesy. Darren's pretty happy with his rosette. He kept pretending to pin it on himself yesterday. It's now up on our wall, where all our special photos hang.
Thank you Leila for making us such a special rosette. Everyone, Leila's instagram feed is definitely worth the follow. So many gorgeous things as she prepares to launch her shop soon. So so good and I just want like everything there!
Alrightyo, off to get some work done before our big night out tonight. Enjoy your beautiful weekend all of you! x
What a glorious Saturday! I spent it with these lovely ladies and one very happy gentleman painting away. Instead of my regular fruit and vegetable workshops, I decided to run a slightly more advanced seafood painting class instead. To be honest, I was a little apprehensive at first because seafood - It's kind of difficult to paint really. All the details, reflections... ... But I thought it was good to learn something more advanced right from the get-go so you can bascially paint anything after! Well, look at what the adults all did in the end!? SUPER Amazing! Turns out it was all quite manageable for everyone. Phew! So thankful that everyone enjoyed themselves. I look forward to sharing and offering more of my painting classes next year. I have one more (sorry it's already booked out!) happening this Saturday then I'm off to take a break. I might possibly run a tiny workshop in November. No firm plans yet but if not, look out 2015. Another seafood painting class and many more others coming your way! I'm thinking ahead... a mushroom painting class, a home portrait class... Ideas ideas!
Hi everyone! I've just released two new foodie prints. Bring on the yummy British and Japanese foods! Yum! They are available in 2 sizes - A3 and a 50x70cm. Hop over to my shop page to have a look and buy yourself one if you like. We are officially 154 days to Christmas. (AhmaGawd!) So perhaps you are super organised and this might make a good start to all the lovely Christmas present shopping? Haha. 2014, where have you been zooming to? So, so fast! Well, where ever you are, I hope you are well and happy : )x
It's funny isn't it, how one can feel so happy just hours ago. And then now this. This weird, crappy feeling of just feeling quite honestly... like crap. Sorry, my brain isn't really set on using fancier words at the moment. Sigh. No idea where or how I even got to this point, but you know how people often speak about the dreaded 'artist block'? I've always been quite firm for the past few years told myself artist blocks? ... " Mind over matter. Mind over matter! Just go for a walk and you'll be fine. No time to waste! No time for an artist block. Life goes on! "
I think that's the problem. Not giving myself a chance to just dwell and not think about the real life. Sounds abstract, I know. But I have now gotten to a point where I'm totally regretting and thinking oh crap. Perhaps I should have embraced those blocks a little more. So what do I mean? This is how it all started...
When I first entered art school at the VCA back in 2008, I've always been able to just dwell in moments and just make art. I guess you could say I was spoiled and so pampered at Uni...I didn't have to think about money, surviving in the real world. Being in my little studio, I was able to just create and 'play' all day long. I had all the time in the world to create abstract pieces which happened out of 'feeling the canvases'. I was able to linger in the whole art school moment. It was truly such an experience. Art making everyday, coffee drinking, more art making... not a care in the world. Ah bliss!
However, ever since sometime in April 2008, I've just been set on working working working towards my graduate show. Working towards creating the perfect body of work that would sell on opening night. Then after I graduated, I started becoming obsessed with surviving as a full-time artist. It was always making things that would sell. Sometimes I'd think of making crazy pieces but would stop halfway just because I knew it's not what people would buy.
Don't get me wrong. Not saying I'm not happy with my art to date and definitely not saying how I've just been making what people like to see. Well part of it's true. But I never ever put out work I'm not 100% happy with. Every piece I create, I make out of joy and whole heartedness. I paint what I paint because I want to! I'm really thankful and so grateful how it's all turned out. The support I've received all these years - wow! But I feel like I've just been so, super busy with working on all my freelance work, creating personal pieces that would sell well as prints... that I've somehow gotten to the point where I need to just stop and pause. I guess after seeing how people have somehow ( I think )copied my work/style along the way and then selling them off prints... it makes me want to just slow down even more!
I feel like I owe it not only to everyone who's followed my work to date, but most importantly, I owe it to myself to just try and relax and just feeeeeel. So tomorrow, I'm going to go get myself some canvases, some oil paints and mediums and we're going to see what happens. I am going to make myself sit in front of a huge canvas and just let my brushes wander... and fingers crossed I don't break down halfway and start questioning myself "...what the heck am I doing?!"
After drawing so many people's homes, we finally have our very own home painting! It was so much fun painting our own little nest. I have been dreaming of doing this for the longest of time. We were living in an old style walk-up apartment for the past 7 years and no way was I going to paint that. It wasn't very pretty. But now we have a house! A cute, cosy little house. Sure, the gate needs working, the possums need to go somewhere else and not poop all over our backyard, some bits need repainting... but hey, we are finally living in a house.. A HOUSE! Pardon my excitement. I've lived in high-rise apartments all my life so this is the first ... and I love it!
Our piece is now happily framed up in a cute blue frame, hung on the wall just as you enter (:
I was going through some work from the past when I came across this piece! I drew this food diary page back in 2010. It was part of an 8 week series where I documented every single thing I ate and drank (Including vitamins but excluding water) I did it because I thought it would be funny to be able to physically see how much I was actually consuming. Everything, including the weight of each item. I won't go into details of how I had to weigh my ice cream. HAHA. I don't usually calorie count so I deliberately did it to challenge myself.
All the food items were spread across a giant page no less! The piece is huge, bigger than an A1 size, Darren had to specially build me a storage box for it. And I remember carrying my mini electronic scale everywhere. Fancy dinner dates, to school... I even had to stop and weigh my birthday cake slice. What a party pooper - But it made everyone laugh. Oh the things I do for Art. Haha. Hope you had fun looking through what I ate!
It rained and stormed all of yesterday so it was hard to get a nice shot in natural light. Thank goodness for the teeny tiny patch of sunshine early this morning. I literally jumped out of bed when I saw how sunny it was. Still in my pyjamas, hair in a messy bun, numb fingers..Trying not to shake while the wind blew at my very fancy but not winter appropriate, cute polka dot tights-wearing thighs. Mmm. Thanks Winter. Haha.
But yes! Trembling thighs aside, these are coming to you soon! ( Still got to work on the japanese one a little. The Gyoza's looking a bit too wabi-sabi-esque for my liking. Haha! ) Along with these 2, there's also a French, American and Australian piece. I am hoping to have them available all together as large A2 prints, some time in July/August. More soon!
Hope you are staying warm and not going insane with leave-sweeping. I certainly am going a bit crazy with the leaves! I sweep them and the wind blows in more and then I sweep again and it comes again. AHHH. Winter, I love you. But you need to not rain and blow SO much!
Woohoo! The glorious school holidays are officially here! 3 wonderful weeks! As much as I love teaching and the kids, holidays are really such a great thing as it gives me the opportunity to just step back and re-charge. It's always go-go-go! at my school and it's nice to have 3 weeks without the weeks, to reflect, think about the term ahead.
I look forward to chilling out as much as I can ( I'm a workaholic so it's hard! ) and looking like the cute cat above. I am going to enjoy this holiday like a boss! Hah.
13 more weeks to the wedding. Last school holidays as a MISS. Next one I'll be a MRS. Hah. Alrightyo, off to clean the toilet and then throw a wonton party for a couple of friends. I'm super excited to share a little bit of my culture with my Aussie friends. See you!
I've been waking up really early to work on a new series titled 'Around the World'. I function best early mornings! I've been posting some work in progress shots on Instagram and was so super thrilled when one of my personal art heroes left a message on my Japan piece. The Ah-MAZING and all magical Miranda Skoczek wanted to do an art swap. I pretty much died. I was halfway enjoying my bowl of yummy Niku udon when I saw her message. I think I just pretty much melted on the spot. I have been dreaming of owning one of Miranda's works for the LOOONGEST of time. So so exciting!
I have big plans for this new series. I am hoping to start looking for some international stockists who would be keen to stock my art prints. I have been dreaming and imagining these artworks in cafes, kids shops, home wares shops...Mmmmm....
I promise to share more pictures soon!
I recently illustrated these wonderful facial products for Hello May Magazine's Issue 5! Such a lovely magazine and always so dreamy. Thank you for having me on board yet another issue Sophie and the Hello May Team! Issue 5 is now out in stores near you.
We realised yesterday, exactly 100 more days (99 today!) to our wedding. Woah!
Looong, long ago, back when I was still living back in Singapore, when I was in secondary school, I remember Spin used to be my all-time favourite teenage drama on TV. Every Tuesday evening 8pm. From what I can recall. I wanted to be Melody Chen's character ( Because she was the cutest! ). I stuck photos of her and Keegan Kang - Whom I wanted to marry ... on my plastic homework folder. I made collages of the Spin cast members. HAHA. Too funny. I dreamt everyday that I would grow up and be like Melody Chen...Until one day, the producers decided her character needed to become a single mum. Then I was like uh, no. Too grown up!
My goodness, time has truly flown by. Many of my secondary school friends are now mums themselves and I am pretty sure it's on the cards for me within the next 5 years. Haha. Ah, good old secondary school days. I miss it so much sometimes and wonder to myself how ever did it pass so fast?! The idea of being a mum used to be so.. OUT THERE.
Anyway, back when I was in secondary school, I was such an art nerd. I remember one day while clearing the art room with my 2 buddies, we stumbled upon a whole STACK of old Faber Castells. When I say stack, I truly do mean it. Back then, we had no idea how precious these colour pencils were. We were in the midst of working on our O' Level art pieces ( BIGGGGG thing for us! It's pretty much like VCE Year 12 Art really... ) and my, my those pencils. AH-MAZING. Better than any other colour pencils we've ever used before. So the 3 of us sneakily sat there and went through all the tins, mixing and picking out the longest ones of each colour. We then agreed to secretly "borrow" them from school and somehow 11 years later and they've still not returned to the art room. OOPS!
I've always, always treasured this special box of colour pencils. They went with me everywhere. But somehow, I've forgotten to bring it along with me when I moved to Australia. Unfortunately I found out about half a year ago that I've lost them for good. I spent days looking for them the last time I was back in Singapore but sadly no where to be found. AH. A part of me pretty much just died. I don't know how to explain it but it's like losing your beloved diary. You know? Something like that... Oh well.
So today, after months of longing and yearning, I finally went out and bought myself a new set. A big 120 colour 3 tier tin set. SO EXPENSIVE but worth every single cent. I look forward to treasuring them for the next 10.. 20 years... And I'm sure every time I use them, I'll think of those good old secondary school days.
Once a Cedarian, always a Cedarian!
What a talented bunch of adults! I was extra nervous teaching this class as every single one of the adults had some sort of art/creative background. Degrees in Fine Art, design, illustrators, art teacher... ... Woah! But thank goodness everyone was super nice and we had such a wonderful, slow morning just being able to just relax and paint. Always a treat after a busy week! Thank you for coming lovely ladies, I hope you enjoyed yourselves xo
PS: Just 1 more spot left for July's Seafood painting class. August has already sold out. I will then be on a long break and all classes will resume end of October/November. Thank you!
Yay! New tea towels have arrived. These ones are lovingly printed by the ever wonderful Frankie & Swiss. 100% Linen, printed using organic inks. They're limited edition and I only have 15 so super-dooper limited! Once they've sold out, no more... for-like-ever! Hehe. Hop on over here if you're keen on purchasing one : ) Thank you!
Just finished these 2 giant 50 x 70cm chippy paintings for The Smiths. Thank you Tara for purchasing my work. Glad you love your new paintings! I had so much fun painting them. The funny thing is, I actually don't like chips. HAH. But everyone I know loves them. Strange! ( Okay joking. I'm the strange one ) In case you don't already know, I do not like chips and fries. But I love green peas. Yum! The kids I teach often think I'm a weirdo for hating chips. Hah!
Anyway, I received a funny email this morning and just had to share. Totally cracked me up:
" ... ... ... I'm the one who ordered a red rock deli chippies print from the Philippines. I just got back from the post office with it and I had to email you to tell you this funny story...
So I went to the post office to get the parcel, and the customs guys were very concerned about what a 'document' valued at AU$60 could possibly be (especially one wrapped in colourful washi tape!). so they asked if I knew what was inside and I said 'it's just pictures'. This raised their suspicion and they said 'did you ask for these pictures?' and I said yes, I ordered them them... so by now I think they were thinking I was either a terrorist or a child porn smuggler... "We are going to open this to check what's inside" ... 'sure, go ahead'. the head customs guy carrrrrrefully opened the envelope, slowwwwwly pulled out a print, and read out in a very official voice "Po-ta-to.... Chips.... aaaaahhhhahahahaha!" the whole office burst out laughing, tears streaming down their faces, still clutching their sides as I was leaving. So I don't think the staff of Makati Post Office 'get' your work but hey, at least we gave them a good laugh. I on the other hand totally get it and I LOVE my prints! the chippy print will be a lovely reminder of one of my favourite snacks back home, and the pasta print will spark many arguments over which is the best pasta shape (spaghetti, obviously). Thanks so much for your lovely work! "
HAHAHA. What a cracker story! Too funny and I love it! Thank you so much Ali for the laughter this morning. Glad you like your new art piece! So glad to know my chippy artworks make people laugh!
3 months plus to be exact. But the countdown is officially on! We are almost done with writing personal notes to go along with all our invites. And I'm heading to the postie this afternoon to mail it all out. Feels SOOOO good to know it's all done and flying out to our friends and family. I don't quite know how to describe the feeling but it feels just like we've sealed some love along with each and every invite, tucked it in gently and off they go to our friends. And hopefully when they open it, they just feel happy and full of love too. I know, sounds weird but that's how I feel. Haha. I cannot wait to be reunited with all my family and friends once again this September. I've been feeling so nostalgic, writing all those little love notes, reflecting on the beautiful and cracker friendships I share. Mmmmm...
Sorry can't help it. I'm thinking about our wedding a lot now (In a good chilled out mindset of course, after our big talk last week ) and we're just so excited, it's almost impossible for me to hold it all in and not share our journey so yes! Please indulge in us for a while. Hahaha. For starters, just thought we'd let you take a little peek!
And my wedding band arrived last week. Thank you Jennifer for taking the time and effort amidst your busy schedule to create both my engagement band ( A year ago now! ) and now our precious laurel wedding band. You probably can't see it because my photo's a little blurry. But Jennifer had specially placed teeny white diamonds in between the leaves. Darren says they look like tiny stars. And he is hiding the ring from me because I cannot stop trying it on! So till the wedding, no more peeks! I look forward to the day when I will start wearing it forever.
Oh and we finally picked out our wedding song too. Well, Darren did. He said he heard it in the office and teared. I did too, early Friday morning ( My dad sings that song to me a lot ) so that's the song! Tearing must be a good sign ;-)
Alrighty, no more wedding updates for now. I'm off to get some work done. Ta! Oh and not that you're wondering about my watercolour classes, but if you are, I have just opened a new August fruit and veg painting class. Last one before the wedding festivities! So that means no more classes till at least November. And I also have 2 more spots left for July's Seafood painting class. Alrightyo, work time! See you around lovely friends. Hope you are all having a breezy Monday thus far! xx
So I was in school today... working on all the children's reports ( Not so glam part of teaching! ) when I received the images from our weekend shoot with Sayher. 2 words - I cried! Well, I obviously didn't sob cry considering I was in a professional workplace haha. But oh my goodness did tears well up in my eyes. Happy, thankful tears. Seriously Sayher, you are amazing! Thank you for going above and beyond for us. I would have loved to share all the images but decided to just pick our favourites.
Looking through these photos, thinking of how much fun we had the other day... Darren, I am so glad out of all the gazillion trillion bajillion beans out there, you chose me. Looking forward to a life time of cheesy bean goodness together!
PS: Apologies if I've been overly lovey dovey of late. It's all I'm thinking about. Being grateful, counting my blessings, loving love. I'm almost like a new me! Haha.
Seriously, thank you. For reading this little space of mine, for letting me share my honest thoughts and opinions. For simply, not judging and just listening ( Well, sort of, more reading. but you get what I mean. Haha ) Thank you! I've always never really had the biggest of self-confidence so I felt truly blessed and comforted after reading all your kind words and encouragement. I sometimes find myself dwelling in negativity. Okay I must admit I OFTEN find myself dwelling in negativity. Simply because it's not fun going out to shops and finding cute things and then having people tell you oh they wouldn't fit, "we don't have your size. You size is a special size" blah blah blah. Yes. If Size 16 is a special size, then what about Size 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14, 18, 20, 24, 26 ... ... aren't we all special!? Well, it's hard to be all smiley and be normal when people outside often get you down isn't it? And the wedding industry is definitely one of the BIGGEST 'get-you-downer' industries. Or so I think.
Anyway, Darren and I spent Saturday afternoon with the amazing Sayher Heffernan. About 2 weeks back, I decided to surprise Darren with a mini little shoot just so we could have some photos for our wedding website. I know, it sounds excessive, both the shoot and the site but we really just wanted to have a space for everyone to go to, for rsvp-ing, our gift registry, directions, etc. And believe it or not, our many pixelated iphone photos just did not fit the site.
Well, to be honest, this whole negative wedding bad vibe hit me again in the morning before the shoot and I freaked out about what I was wearing. I don't quite know what I was thinking - wearing my favourite Gorman dress and having it tucked INTO my jeans so it becomes a top. Just because I tend to go for shapeless dresses ( Comfort first when teaching! ) and jeans made my legs look slimmer. So I thought pairing my favourite dress + Jeans = A-OK! But apparently not because I freaked out an hour before the shoot after spotting all the creases on my top. Sitting in an hour long jam along Toorak and Punt road didn't help with my freak-out-ness as well and then we arrived at the farm and Sayher was there and we were late and Darren had to go pee and I was just feeling like we should have done this all on another day.
So, since we were already there, I obviously had to just pretend everything was ok - that I was cool as a cucumber. You know what? Come to think of it now, its all so silly. I was being silly! Because Sayher was amazing and in just a mere matter of minutes, both Darren and I had pretty much forgotten all about the earlier bad traffic... my freaking out. My make up was smudging but all Sayher said was " Nah! I can't even see it! Don't worry about it! " And you know what, he was right. All that mattered was that we had fun and just be ourselves. And I remember how at that moment, I was suddenly reminded of all of you guys. Your encouraging words in my previous post. About being who I am, just having fun. You guys are truly so right.
I've always imagined couple photos to be oh so cheesy and weirdly but grossly romantic in a nice but not so nice way. You know, those typical stare at the sky, imagine your wedding day, kiss each other sort of awkward stuff? I mean those things, they're nice. But posing, pretending in front of a camera, that's strange for us. Sayher was amazing and made us both feel so comfortable. Throughout the entire afternoon, we just felt like ourselves. We were jumping about, doing silly things. " Fart, poop and toilets " appeared in our conversations. We were discussing what to have for dinner. Darren even pretended he was a Zombie because I had just finished watching all episodes of The Walking Dead.
In short, it was the best afternoon we both have had in quite a while! Sayher Heffernan, not only do you have amazing talent, you also truly have the gift of making others just be themselves. And to all of you guys, thank you for all the love, support and sharing of stories and pictures. I loved reading every single bit of it all! I will from now on, work on being less negative, just learning to be myself, love myself more, the way God has made me : )
Looking forward to sharing the pictures when we have them! xx
So, I'm generally a very honest person and like being me me when online. I know people often say you never know who reads your blog, it's easier if you keep it all professional and just show the good stuff. Well, it all makes sense to a lot of people but not really to me. I prefer being honest and just who I really am. I am human after all and we all go through good and bad days. Right? Anyway, I've been thinking a lot and it's been bugging me quite a bit of late. I just needed to put it out and write it all down.
As we are slowly approaching our wedding (About 18 weeks!) I find myself starting to panic a little - definitely more than I like. People have been asking me of late how's all the wedding planning going. It's really nice and makes me all fuzzy inside but truth be told. I don't know! Hah.
Darren and I got engaged in June last year and started off super excited, planning bits and pieces. I think all brides ( and most grooms ) do that too hey? That initial excitement, that buzz! But then one by one, our plans all fell through. Venues didn't work out, rude staff, renovations. And then we found one, fell in love with it but long story short, the place didn't have a permit and wasn't sure if they could hold our wedding... it all resulted in ugly fights and emails just so we could have our deposit back. The nightmare of having to find a new location and then being utterly blessed within 24 hours, when it all came full circle and we got led back to the start. Our first dream venue. ( Not going to go into details but it was ah-mazing how it all worked out! )
Anyway, now that we've got the venue sorted and our wonderful photographer booked, Darren's suit bought, my dress sort of on it's way but not yet but we're sure it'll all be lovely at the end... flowers sorted, invites getting there ( Only after a friend reminded us hello it's about time we send them out ). Now that we're kind of close to the actual day itself, I am starting to freak out a little and I don't know if it's usually like this.
I find myself wondering about a lot of things. Little bits such as the decorations, table setting, what sort of glasses, etc. ( I know?! ) We have no clue yet as to how we want everything to look. We've been too chilled out we're starting to panic now that it's getting closer. Holy Moley. I find myself thinking of bigger things such as losing that very stubborn double chin and muffin-top. Growing up I've always been known and called FAT. These 3 letters. So simple yet so powerful. I see all my friends, one by one, getting married, looking super hot on their wedding day. I look at the draft version of my wedding dress. It's beautiful. But it's not like the usual wedding dresses. It's NO WHERE near the dresses I've always envisioned wearing on my wedding day. ( Yup, I'm your typical little girl, growing up dreaming and drawing wedding dresses. Hah )
As such, I freak out even more. Don't get me wrong, I love my dress. Just the other day, I put on the muslin version and wore it around the house, alone for an entire hour. It just felt right. It felt like me. I felt like me. But then two weeks ago, I went into a stunning bridal shop to purchase my veil and just looking at the brides to be in there, trying on their dresses, being surrounded by their family. My jaw just dropped and I felt like I was no where near that. I didn't get that same experience shopping for my dress. Not at all. I was constantly led to the plus size corner. "We can definitely custom a size for you." "Don't worry if it doesn't close, the real one will be made to fit." Sigh. You see where I'm coming from? I don't know. I really don't. I just know at the end of the day, after I receive and try on my real wedding dress, it will all be right. I know all my fats will be tucked in nicely but not too tight - So I can actually eat and breathe. Sure, it not going to be the most flattering dress out there but I know it will be very comfortable and I will feel like I'm still me in it. But till then, I'm just freaking out a little, being way too sentimental and I guess that's all normal right? ( Especially when you don't have family physically around to assure you. )
Decorations. I actually haven't even looked at Pinterest. Surprised?! I remember my wise colleague told me shortly after I got engaged. "There are so many weddings out there that looked like Pinterest had puked all over it!" I cannot agree more and decided early on, I wasn't going to go anywhere near it. But then, instagram. Oh my, so many beautiful wedding things. I start freaking out at night thinking what we should do to the barn we're having dinner in. Should we dress up the aisle. Should we have food on the table or on a set table outside so people interact while lining up for food. What sort of hairstyle since my hair seems to take forever to grow. Where we should do makeup and the day's logistics. Blah blah blah. Seriously Dawn!
Well, in all honesty, I am truly hoping we could fast forward to the week of the wedding. I imagine booking ourselves in for a massage and just nice things like a last fiance and fiancee dinner date, getting my nails painted, just chilling out and then having the biggest party of our lives. Hmm, that sounds nice!
I don't quite know how I am going to deal with the rest of the next 3 1/2 months but I am hoping with all my might that I embrace it with such chilled-out grace, just like Audrey Hepburn. Haha. In short, all I guess I'm saying is. I am stressed. Yes - I am nervous. ( Are you kidding? Duh! ) Deep down I am going "OHHHH MY GODDDD!" But I am guessing it is all normal whether or not you're a bridezilla or not.
I know it will all fall into place. Rain or shine, good or bad. At the very end of the day, whether or not we decide to have sparkly buntings or watercoloured ones. Who cares really. Heck it! - We're going to get married and embark on a lifetime full of ups and downs TOGETHER. And that's what matters! Having our friends and family there to witness it all, that's 10,000 times better than every other little nitty gritty logistical thingy!
Now Darren, let's go do this thing! xx